inconclusion.

So. Much has come to pass over the months since I last made an actual post. And now, being in school for another hour with nothing to work on really, [finishing the Atlantis essay did pay off] I figured I'd throw out there a little about what has been going on. This won't be nearly as detailed as the earlier posts, because over time the relevance of details has come into much deeper scrutiny in my journals or writings, in correlation with the development of my poetry. I wrote in a paper journal for a little while, but I have not been keeping it up, perhaps only because my life is not changing as much as it has been over the past years. Most of the heartfelt conflicts I have had are resolved, which has left my heart desperate for something to cling to, at least at some times. Yet, the advantage is almost unparalleled, my mind is clear; poetry still flows freely from my heart, and deep thoughts, when I have them, have the space to occupy my entire mind. The overflow of ambient and electronic music which I have so fallen in love with is not without influence in this.
As I said in my last post but did not clarify very much, I am still connected with the origins of this blog, and since I know most of the visits I have gotten here in the past were people coming from ilovebees, that is in part what I mean. My book of poetry is titled Death of a Bee, in part coming from Durga's line: "You know what's creepy? If a bee stings you, it dies, but it can still sting you after it's dead." I wrote a poem on the idea as well, if only to explain the idea to people that might otherwise find a book so titled as strange.
Anyway, for the sake of relevance, really only a few major things have happened since I last posted. First of all, I began writing poetry. again. This time, more structured and in my opinion, better, since I have studied Robert Frost in Mrs. Kincheloe's class. I'm not posting the new works on Poetic Thinking, but I will be publishing them in a book of poetry titled Death of a Bee. Second of all, I went to NC Governor's School. That was awesome; it was certainly the best school I've ever been to, and probably the best I'll ever go to. I could go into infinite detail, but I've already annoyed everyone here to death about it, so I'll hold off. Third was quite something... I fell in love with Amber. butofcourse, she has a boyfriend, Taylor. I discovered I loved her actually only when she very indirectly asked if I did, and then it broke into something it shouldn't have. Amidst stunning coincedences and strange, but hardly awkward conversations, everything worked out fine in the end. In many respects, nothing overall has changed. However, Amber and I are closer, I believe, although I doubt our relationship will go past friendship.
When I spoke of working out "heartfelt conflicts," this was one of them. Of course, my heart is often in conflict, but now it has little externally with which to have conflict. It just has to get over itself every once in a while. It just wants love, I just want love, but love isn't kind to me. I'm used to it by now, most of the time at least, but I can't help but look forward to having someone to love.
Until then,